A while ago I wrote a series of posts called Thinking Thin. They documented the success of my weight loss journey over 2/3 months. Then I fell of the wagon. Familiar with anyone? It was directly related to incidents in my life that affected my confidence and self esteem, and it’s taken me a long time to bounce back.
Since writing the last post, the wagon well and truly left the station partly due to lack of organisation and partly due to state of mind. It’s such a viscous circle of feeling low, eating because I feel low, feeling low because I am eating and feeling even worse because of the weight I’ve gained AGAIN! And so the self loathing begins.
Whilst I was away this weekend, without the noise and distraction of the kids, without the chores to do, in the quietness of my hotel room I studied myself in the full length mirror. We don’t have one at home, and I realised that has given me the opportunity to avoid, or perhaps deny what I have done to myself. It has been months since I have stood on the scales either, not wanting to watch the pounds creeping up and up.
When it hit me, quite literally in the face, how much my weight had increased the sense of self loathing descended over me like a very dark cloud. I literally hated myself and hated my body. Of course it’s not my body’s fault, it is down to me and what I’ve put into it and I’m so disappointed. I really should take better care of myself, for me and my family.
It’s the only body I have after all. This body helps me to be a wife, mother, friend, blogger. I need it. I need to look after it so I can enjoy my life. My confidence has been fragile for such a long time, and I’m not doing it any favours by adding obesity into the mix too.
So now is the time to stop burying my head in the sand and start tackling the weight I have gained. I’ve had some major life changes to deal with, so I will forgive myself for taking my eye of the ball and I’m going to start taking care of myself again. I’d like to bring you a weekly update, which will now become, Thinking Thin Thursdays or #TTT. Writing about my journey was so successful at the beginning, I I’m confident with a little more focus I will make more progress this time. Fingers crossed anyway!
Please do join me next week, to see what changes have occurred and let me know how you’ve been getting along if you are trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle.