Thanks for joining me for another week of Thinking Thin.  If you missed last week’s post, you can catch up with my thoughts on thinking about food here.  I’m still feeling in tune with what my body needs, and generally speaking it has been a good week.  There has been the odd slip up due to being to busy to being organised to eat properly, but it didn’t throw me of the wagon.  That’s always a win, right?

I feel like I’ve been processing a lot these last few weeks about why I carry extra weight.  My weight has been something I hide behind and something I can blame for things, instead of owning what the real cause of an issue might be.  I hope I’m making sense here, please stay with me.  I promise all will become clear.

Am I Hiding Behind My Weight

Is Being Over Weight Safe?

At points in my life I’ve used the fact that I am over weight to explain why I’ve been single or why I haven’t done well at something.  But I am responsible for being over weight in the first place, no one forced me to over eat or gain weight.  It’s like putting up a barrier up between myself and the rest of the world and staying in my little comfort zone.

I don’t think that being over weight was the reason I was single for so long, or why I may have failed at things.  I think that being over weight was a way of protecting myself from being hurt in a relationship or from not doing well at something.  It stopped me pushing myself out of my comfort zone and taking risks in relationships, with work or in any other area of my life.

I struggle with failing and rejection.  I think a lot of us do, don’t we?  They are my two biggest achilles heals, and I find the emotions that come with them quite overwhelming.   Over the years I’ve used being overweight to avoid being in situations that I might fail at or exposing myself to possible rejection.  It feels like a huge stumbling block for me at the moment with embarking on a new venture with my blog and a freelance career.

Is Being Fat Holding Me Back?

My life has changed such a lot in the last few years, I’ve left behind a well established career, I’ve had 2 children and I got married.  There has been a lot for me to get used to, and at points I have felt like I have failed in my previous job and in some of my relationships.

Failing is such a negative word isn’t it?  I need to change how I look at these things.  I have started to realise that I am very lucky to have been given the chance to start a fresh, doing something that I love and that will work around my family.  With that comes some element of risk, but I am lucky in that the bills will be paid and the kids will be fed whatever happens.

I know what I need to do to get started on my new ventures, but am I scared I might fail.   I also have a crazy notion in my head that fat people aren’t successful.  I know, it’s ridiculous isn’t it!  So instead of trying and making an action plan, setting up new websites, building a portfolio of work and making contacts I feel held back by something.  This crazy notion that fat people don’t succeed.  What if I wasn’t fat?  What would I blame then?  I’d have to take responsibility for not organising my time, making a plan and prioritising the key tasks I need to do to achieve my dream.

I have many skills and abilities and have been very successful in my life at dealing with a difficult upbringing, raising some amazing children and doing well while I was in my job.  I have not failed at any of these things, I’ve just changed path.  I’ve taken the biggest step out of my comfort zone and let behind the security and stability being an employee gave me.  Now, I need to let go of the idea that I might fail, and just try.  Things might not fall into place straight away, but learning is the key to progress.  Mistakes are OK as long as we take something from them.  I need to stop being afraid, stop using my weight as an excuse and start my new life free of these barriers to my future success.

I will not let my weight hold me back, or use it as an excuse any longer.  I will not use it as an excuse not to make an effort with my appearance, or not to do great things with my blog.  I am going to stop using it as an excuse for all these things, and stop being afraid.  Sometimes our emotions come from our past and legacies we no longer require.  From a time when we needed to survive or protect ourselves, and these legacies can be difficult to let go off.  I fear that if I don’t though they will hold me back, and that would be the real failure.

Is being over weight holding you back?  Is it something you hind behind?

20 COMMENTS

  1. Never be afraid of failing – be more afraid of never trying! I’m not sure who said, but I love it as some motivation and inspiration. Don’t let anything hold you back x

  2. You said it perfectly here: Mistakes are OK as long as we take something from them.

    Keep on striving to be the best that you can be. It’s a journey of discovery but worth it I’m sure.

  3. My weight has never been a problem and I know that I am very lucky in this aspect. However, my daughter has had a problem but has lost 2 stone in 2 months. Like you, I think it was holding her back as she is far more out-going and confident with the loss. It shouldn’t be that way though – all women should be confident with their size. I hope that your confidence rockets with each day and not just because of your weight x
    Life with Six Kids recently posted…Ten tips to declutter your homeMy Profile

  4. Oh Zena, I can totally relate to this post. I’m over-weight, I wish I was still my size 10 and fit self. Piling on the weight after my son was born made me lose all my confidence and almost shattered my world. I try now to be healthy and am so much happier. Never be afraid of failing x

  5. You shouldn’t be so harsh on yourself, everyone has slip ups now and again so I wouldn’t worry about that. From what I’ve seen you’re doing so well with your weight loss xx

  6. Powerful post. I think what you speak about is very true – it’s almost like a cover, a safety net to fall back on… this happened because… I’m like this. It’s easy for people to say, don’t be afraid of failure, but failure can be devastating. How could you recover from financial failure or from seeing your dreams flow away? I think the fact you have put this piece out there means you are addressing the very things that are holding you back and I wish you the very best of luck xx
    LadyNicci recently posted…Ten reasons why my children will be country bumpkinsMy Profile

  7. I feel like the parts of us that doubt ourselves have been having a conversation! These are the same thoughts I used to have, I blamed everything on my weight and always thought, well if I was slimmer…. but I’m slowly ( very slowly) learning to believe in myself and not let the scales determine my mood or attitude to life or my achievements. 🙂 x

  8. This is a very raw and honest post! Don’t ever feel like you have failed if something didn’t work out, life just has other plans. Everything happens for a reason and our ‘mistakes’ aren’t really mistakes, just hiccoughs in our path, and they definitely make us stronger. I was very depressed and overweight after I dropped out of college, which I still put down to me comfort eating and not being motivated enough to do anything ( because I thought I had failed myself). But when I realised these things had happened for a reason I began to feel more motivated and put myself out there more, and I was much happier after that! I still have low moments but it’s important to know you are not alone and that there are people there to talk to. Even a short walk can help clear the head 🙂 ‘Failure’ is just life’s way of saying there is something greater out there for you – it’s not failure at all 🙂 Start by being accepting of yourself and then everything will fall into place xx

  9. well done for being so honest in this post, it is what I love about blogging and reading others posts, the honesty and really getting to to know someone’s fears and feeling. You are so right there is always something we all use as an excuse not to put ourselves out there and ultimately it is because we are afraid. Its like one of my favourite quotes, “The only thing standing in your way, is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself” I love this quote and anytime i start to make an excuse why I don’t do something I think of this quote and tell myself to stop with the bullshit.
    sandra recently posted…MY INVISALIGN CLEARBRACES JOURNEY- TRAY 10 AND 5 MONTHS ONMy Profile

  10. I always say id rather regret trying, then regret not trying. I’m technically overweight although I feel cheeky saying so as you wouldn’t think it to look at me. Weight is all in your head. What we see in the mirror isn’t what everyone else sees. No matter what size you are you always see flaws. But you have to keep telling yourself no one is looking at you and thinking you can’t be successful because of your weight. They really aren’t. You’re successful because of things like confidence and skill, things I’m sure you have 🙂 xx
    Alex recently posted…My top tips on preparing your home for winterMy Profile

  11. I know how it feels to be uncomfortable in your skin, I joined slimming world this week to get back to a health body and happy mind. You’ve been through a lot though in your life already, don’t be too hard on yourself, and weight is an easy thing to change and fix

  12. Having just given birth to my second child Henry my weight does play on my mind. I gained around 3 stone this pregnancy and have yet to weigh myself since his birth. My hubby thinks i have lost a lot already but I am quite looking forward to when the doctor gives me the all clear to start exercising. I too, hate failing but at the same time I would be ever so annoyed with myself if that fear ever stopped me from doing something. xxx
    Kay recently posted…How Henry got his nameMy Profile

  13. Yes, I do see some of my fails are due to my weight, which makes me eat more.It’s recognising that fact, which sort of helps but it’s finding a way of eliminating the negativity and replacing it with something positive. I hope you continue to loose weight and find the happiness you deserve.
    Aly recently posted…Big Ben Union Flag Edition 3D PuzzleMy Profile

  14. I’ve always struggled with my weight, but I trying to stay healthy, and make the best of what I have. I am brace myself for it on who I am inside now how I look. You’re beautiful no matter what.

  15. I have a feeling that sometimes people judge other people by their weight. Not always consciously, but I do wonder whether something in people’s subconscious forms an opinion based on looks until they get to discover and know the person. Books and covers and all that. I also think that as overweight people (of which I am one) we can project this opinion on to ourselves. Thinking that people are thinking it whether they are or not. Probably because we are busy judging ourselves everyday!
    [email protected] recently posted…How to suck at staying awake & staying asleepMy Profile

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