For me, birthdays and celebrations have become a thing of dread.
I wish they didn’t exist.
I know I’m not the only parent with an estranged adult child that feels this way.
I suspect many of us just wish the day would pass as quickly as possible.
If I didn’t have other family members to consider, I would just treat them as any other day.
I hate the questions, ‘how was your birthday?’, as I just have to put a brave face on it.
I want to say it’s painful, and I want it to be over as quickly as possible.
I could cope if it was just me, but when I have young children, who expect you to make a fuss about birthdays, Christmas and other celebrations I have no choice but to put a brave face on it all.
They have become days when the sadness is amplified.
Grief and loss are painful.
My son has made it clear it’s all my fault.
Without any discussion, he’s reached many conclusions which aren’t true, and everything that has gone wrong in his life is down to me.
Given his claims that he felt I wanted him to be perfect, and the most sociable, I suspect that someone along the line has convinced him he’s experienced ‘Golden Child Syndrome’.
It all seems very convenient.
There is a long history of mental health issues, personality disorders and we now know neurodiversity, but my son doesn’t seem to think that has anything to do with where he is now.
It’s all my fault, the one person who had his back. The one person who had his best interests at heart. The one person who has never given him bad advice. The one person who would have said that what his girlfriend wants maybe isn’t a good idea.
Isn’t it convenient that he seems to think all his issues are my fault, when his girlfriend wants him to make one of the biggest financial commitments he could make at a time when this was a really bad idea.
If he has experienced ‘golden child syndrome’, then surely I would have had to think he was exceptional. I would have had to believe he was a genius.
None of these things are true.
I believed my son was a good kid with a lot going for him, and tried to encourage him to do well, but I did not want him to be perfect.
I did not push him in any particular direction, most of the choices he made were his own, including which university to apply too and which course to take.
I was not in favour of him applying to Cambridge or taking a joint degree.
But anyway, I suspect that someone has convinced you I wanted you to be perfect.
You claim ‘she’s got nothing to do with it’, which says nothing at all.
It was simply a sentance you had practised when challenged on the issues.
When you stood in my kitchen having attacked me in the most viscous way possible, and I raised all the red flags we had noticed in the recent weeks, you looked at the floor and could not defend her at all.
Now we have had chance to consider everything that has taken place over the last 10 years or more, the list of red flags are endless.
I guess this is why you don’t want to enter into a discussion, as it’s obvious for all of us to see.
I just hope that everyday you both feel incredibly proud of yourselves.
In this story are 2 children who loved their brother so much, and now they can’t see him.
I guess she’s so insecure, the very thought that someone might challenge her is not worth the risk.
Did she think we’d go, well she’s trained so she must be right?
If she did then she’s even more conceited than I thought she was.
I guess we will keep being the bad guys in the story, despite the fact that your behaviour towards us has been shocking for years.
I was desperate for you to talk to me, but every time I tried you shut me down. But it’s all my fault, right?
I have loved you unconditionally since the day you were born.
I may have said the wrong thing when I was tired and juggling a house with a teenager and 2 small children at home, but I have never withheld my love or support from you if you were less than perfect.
I did however find it incredibly difficult to read a blank canvas.
I do believe we all have undiagnosed learning differences, but you aren’t even prepared to come to the table and discuss it. It’s more convenient for you to blame me for everything.
I believe you may have to face a few things if you did face the truth, and one of those things is that your ‘partner’ isn’t everything she’s cracked up to be.
Search ‘Estranged Adult Child’ if you are also effected by these issues
