My heart goes out to any parent who has suffered the pain of dealing with the estrangement of an adult child.
I know there are thousands of us across the world and see who much everyone is struggling in the online forums.
One of the biggest issues we face is shame and judgement.
We must have done something wrong for a child to turn on us in this way, right?
There are absolutely some cases where that will have been the case.
As a child I did suffer physical and emotional abuse, and I’m very aware of what those things look and feel like.
Some parent and child relationships are absolutely beyond repair because of the abuse that took place.
We are parents though, and there will of course been times when we have all said something negative and critical to our children simply to encourage them to go in the right direction.
That is not an abusive parent – child relationship, especially in the context of providing a child with a loving nurturing home filled with opportunities to allow them to do well.
It is also not abuse when it was literally impossible for you to know if child was experiencing an undiagnosed medical condition.
There are many eyes on our children from birth onwards, and some of those people are trained professionals, and if they also did not spot any underlying conncerns, then how are we as parents supposed to know.
In my case, I worked incredibly hard, in the most part as a single parent, to provide my son with a safe loving home, in the right area with access to good schools and any extra curricular opportunities he wanted.
I’m accused mainly of using the phrase ‘moody teenager’ and suggesting he was ‘lazy’ for spending too much time on the computer. I also wanted him to be perfect and the most sociable. These last two allegations are simply false.
There is a big difference between abusing someone and an off the cuff comment, and my comments definitely fell into the later.
We also have told my son on every opportunity available how well he’s done and how proud we are off him.
As most parents, I have said mainly said positive things to all my children, and sometimes I have said some negative things.
Would I have chosen different words if I had known that dyslexia was an hereditary condition in my family – of course I would have!
Would I have taken a different approach if I had have known my son was feeling depressed and suicidal – of course I would have!
It’s utterly ridiculous to think I would not have done everything in my power to support my son with his issues.
We tried constantly to ask my son if he was ok – and the only response we were ever me with was ‘I’m ok’.
There was no acting out or difficult behaviour and no concerns were raised at school.
He was a quiet child – an introvert.
Roll on to the present and now it’s like he’s in a cult.
I’ve never come across this behaviour in any human being before.
As I’ve talked about previously, he has this girlfriend, who he’s been with since the age of 16. They’ve been together 10 years.
We hardly know this girl, which one therapist described as ‘creepy’. I agree with her entirely.
As I’ve mentioned before, she claims to be therapist.
Honestly, I don’t think many therapists go to with their boyfriend to help them subject their mother to significant emotional abuse, do they?
But their side of the story is ‘I asked you for space’, and that is definitely not what happened.
I have the letter I was given that day, and it was abusive.
I have the witnesses that saw the impact that abusive behaviour had on me.
I have witnesses to my son’s entire life, who know how he was treated.
There is a post where I named the girlfriend, and I have now received a Right to Erasure request from her.
It is my opinion that she lost the right to privacy the day she came to my house with my son and supported him with his abusive behaviour.
I did remove the information, as I have to think of my own well being, it’s certainly not because of the Right to Erasure request as all the events that took place are true.
As she is currently a practising therapist who claims to abide by the BACP guidelines, it’s very much in the public interests for her part in this story to made available to those who wish to know.
I can imagine that I’ve also been made out to be all kinds of evil, and I’ve heard on a few occasions that all that has happened ‘has nothing to do with her’.
I believe my son has very much mistaken our kindness for stupidity, and it’s obvious to everyone that it very much has something to do with this girl.
It is obvious. He quite literally bought her an over priced house in a very bad location, that no-one would have ever recommended he do, and then cut off his entire family. There’s no disguising that from anyone.
The other instalment is that my husband took a letter to the house which explains what has happened to my daughter.
We recently discovered she has dyslexia, and it’s now quite obvious we all have a degree of dyslexia. I suspect I’m severely dyslexic.
My husband took the letter to the house – and they refused to answer the door.
I received a text from my son telling me he’d called the police.
Yet more attempts to make us look like the abusors in the story.
Bearing in mind we haven’t seen my son since November 2022, I’m not sure how that can be the case.
We have offered to talk, go to counselling and encouraged him to go to counselling.
He continues to abuse us with his lies and silent treatment.
It’s like he’s in a cult – and no one can reach him.
There are days when I’m angry, and I’ve said things that I probably shouldn’t have but nothing compares to the abuse my son and his girlfriend have subjected us too.
Search ‘Estranged Adult Child’ if you are also effected by these issues
