The information previously contained in this article falls under the protection of freedom of speech principles, which are fundamental to our society.
The statements are true and published lawfully, in the legitimate public interest and fall within the principles of freedom of expression.
Furthermore, the information previously contained, is considered to be of public record.
That being said, given the distress myself and my close family members have endured for a considerable amount of time, the article has been edited to remove specific details.
If you receive counselling or psychotherapy and are concerned about the integrity of your therapist, the Ethical Framework for Counselling professionals can be found here. You can also use my contact page if have concerns.
Click here to find an open letter about estrangement.
Click here for the latest update in the estranged adult child issue
It’s been over a year since I’ve seen my son.
I’ve dissected our relationship over and over again.
Whilst it was not perfect, there was no excuse for his cruel and unreasonable behavior that November.
Am I still curious about the role (removed) played in the destruction of our relationship?
I guess I am.
Letters, after all, are a tool so often used by therapists.
(Removed) has been my son’s girlfriend since the age of 16.
It would be ludicrous to believe that she did not influence what happened between us.
Therapists don’t necessarily make for good people after all.
They can be down right manipulative.
Is she the reason why my son believes things about his family that simply aren’t true?
Is she the reason why he cut us off, without even trying to discuss what was bothering him?
The last time I was with my son, he told me he was buying a house.
I have dissected this conversation more times than I care to admit.
I know I didn’t say anything unusual for a parent, but there was an air of concern.
Why would someone make such a big life decision without getting as much advice as possible?
He revealed (removed) asked him to buy the house in Nottingham.
He also stated, proudly I might add, that she wasn’t going to pay a penny towards it.
Yet, this house ticked all her boxes.
Two weeks later he cut off his entire family.
Anyone who could possibly have influenced him to reconsider buying a house that was most definitely not going to make his life easier in terms of where he worked.
It all seemed to fit very nicely into (removed) plans who swiftly gave up working at the gym.
Her therapist bio at (removed) makes some bold claims, yet our experience is that she crosses boundaries, lacks empathy and integrity most certainly escapes her.
She also does not appear to care if her actions cause other people significant pain as long as she gets what she wants.
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One day, I was sat at my computer, catching up on some admin before heading out for the afternoon.
I was home alone.
The girls were at school, and my husband was on a unexpected work trip.
He’d not seen his colleagues in Romania for some time, so his trip was meant to be an opportunity to catch up and have fun.
There was a knock at the door, which I wasn’t expecting.
I could see through the glass it was my son, and who I assumed was his girlfriend.
I was a little surprised as they never come to see us unannounced, or without an invite for that matter.
I opened the door, and I asked them what was the matter.
I was meant with a very angry tone.
‘You’ll find out!’, my son said, as he thrust a hand written letter into my hand.
My son and (removed) walked into the kitchen.
I noticed she was holding his elbow, and looking down.
Something was very off.
I opened the letter and read it.
The contents of this letter were cruel.
It was like my son had loaded the emotional machine guns, dropped the hand grenades and threw all the knives into my back all at once.
It came from nowhere.
On finishing the letter, I was broken, tears streaming down my face.
I asked (removed) to leave, as I really couldn’t understand what she was doing there.
They knew I was alone, and had no support network with me, yet my son comes with his in tow to tell me he doesn’t want to see me anymore.
To say I was shocked and heart broken, doesn’t really cut it.
We have never really argued or fallen out.
There had been no disagreements prior to this event.
In fact, we’d been out to dinner 2 weeks earlier, and everything was OK.
During our meal out he’d told me that he was buying a house.
I was pleased for him.
I felt like it was a good move.
He’d been living at (removed) parents since the beginning of covid, and it felt like the right time for them to have their own space.
While discussing the house, he made a huge point of the fact he was buying the house.
He was going to be paying for everything, and (removed) may pay for the food.
He then went on to list all the boxes they wanted to tick, and it was pretty clear that (removed) had made sure that she got everything she wanted.
The things that were relevant to my son, seemed, however to have made it to the bottom of the pile somehow.
Not many of his boxes were being ticked at all.
I did raise an eye brow to this, but I would not call it a fuss.
It’s his choice after all.
I suspect both my son, and (removed) upon hearing how the conversation went, were possibly a little sensitive about my reaction.
I suspect my reaction was scrutinised, and possibly seen as a threat.
I think any parent would raise an eye brow if their son was taking all the financial risk, yet the girlfriend seemed to be taking control of the situation without spending a penny.
Anyway, I digress!
My son and I are now stood in the kitchen, and (removed) has left very swiftly to sit in her car outside.
I’m so distressed I can’t think straight or defend myself.
I guess that was the point.
I ask why he didn’t raise how he felt sooner.
Apparently he didn’t feel he could.
This shocked me.
I’m a very open and honest person, and will chat to just about anyone about anything.
My son, however, is an introvert, and has always struggled with communicating.
I apologised profusely for any distress I’d unwittingly caused him, but he didn’t care.
He had put a great deal of effort into dehumanising me, with the sole intention of causing me as much pain as he possibly could.
He was not in the slightest bit interested in having an adult conversation about the issues he had raised.
He had engineered a situation where I was completely taken by surprise and one where there was little opportunity to challenge what he was saying.
At one point during our interaction, I commented that he was brave for raising these issues now.
On reflection, he was not brave at all.
He was cruel.
She was cruel too.
They both had an agenda that day, and nothing was going to stop them executing their plan.
This happened in November.
We’ve not spoken to my son since, despite trying to encourage him to talk to us.
In between us having dinner together, and him cutting ties with not just me, but his entire family, I gifted him the money to pay for the solicitor.
He didn’t even say thank you.
That is what begun my experience of having an estranged adult child and the disenfranchised grief that goes with such a distressing experience.
There is of course a back story of a young single mother who tried her best, but is honest enough to say she made mistakes along the way.
The thing that stuck with me the most about my son’s demeanour that day was how self righteous he was.
Apparently, I had said the wrong thing on a few occasions, but who hasn’t?
That I wanted him to be perfect.
This is something that is very much open to debate, and I suspect is an idea spun by (removed), who is probably at the stage of her studies in becoming a therapist, where she is diagnosing anyone and everyone in her path.
Search ‘Estranged Adult Child’ if you are also effected by these issues
