This is my first attempt at joining in with Sara’s #ThePrompt. This week I was feeling brave and here’s my take on ‘Thunder’. I’d love to know what you think?
She looked out of the window, the noise of the heavy rain filling the emptiness in her room. It was dark outside, but it was full of energy as the tension of the storm grew. It stopped her thinking about the loneliness, for a little while. She could see a few lights on in the other houses and she wondered what life was like there. Was it happy? Was it predictable? ‘It had to be better than here’, she thought.
She opened the window and the cold damp air came flooding in. She held her hand out as if she had never felt rain before. The cold allowed her to feel. Feel human. Feel in control, for a few moments at least.
She took one of the cigarette’s from her hiding place, along with the well used box of matches that were more than battered now. She hung her head out of the window, but getting a flame proved a challenge. She wasn’t sure this was going to be worth it, but she was determined.
She got her fag lit. It’s not that she enjoyed it, but she was ‘hard’ you see. This is what ‘hard’ kids did. Kids with armour. Kids burying the emotions they couldn’t make head nor tale of. It made her cool, fit in, but the crowd was all wrong these days.
She coughed as she blew away the smoke from the John Player Special. Apparently these made your lungs bleed, but she didn’t care. Why should she care, no one else did. They were downstairs, watching some rubbish on the TV, she was alone. He’d turned the power off upstairs. It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last, by a long shot. He had to have control, you see, over everything.
He’d found her watching the same program as they were downstairs, and that wasn’t allowed. She wasn’t allowed to turn the TV on while they were out. He’d feel the TV to check if it was warm, to check up on her. Heaven forbid, she changed the channel while he was out of the room, even if it was for an hour. She desperately kept hold of the thought that this wasn’t right, this wasn’t how life should be. Looking out the window helped, reminding herself things were different out there.
She was so lost in her thoughts and listening to the rain, she’d not heard him come up the stairs. She’d forgotten to concentrate, keeping her wits about her was a tiring task and didn’t come naturally to her. She’d changed, she’d had to but she was still a square peg. There was no point in being the good girl any more. It made no difference to what was coming.
The rain started to fall much heavier, like someone had turned the volume up. She didn’t stand a chance. The thunder rumbled. It was loud. It was close. She was distracted. She didn’t make to the end of her fag before it went BANG! The lightening clapped and the door flew open….
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Oh my lovely, I feel so sad for the girl in that story. Great piece of writing though! Huge hugs xxx #ThePrompt
Great writing zena, I wish I was more creative with words 🙂 I remember being stuck out 6 miles from home on a run in thunder and how scared I was..then I went under a tree for cover, eek I realized after this was the worse place, the got covered in wasps eek,,, nightmare… thanks for linking up to the weekend bloghop
Oh wow, that is amazing, so powerful, I really got sucked in to the story.
Great writing, Zena! I felt completely immersed in your story. x #BinkyLinky
Thanks Mel
A fabulous piece of writing Zena. Any plans for more? Hope so…
I reckon I might have another bash. Thank you Izzie
What a great post, you’ve certainly got a way with words.
Thanks!
Love this, a fantastic piece of writing, compelling. I really felt for the girl and I want to know where she goes next; does she ever escape this life. Thanks so much for linking to #ThePrompt, lovely to have you join in xx
It was a pleasure Sara. I’ll be trying to link up again for sure #theprompt
Great use of weather within the story to echo its flow. I really felt for the girl and hope the bang of the thunder and the door doesn’t lead to another nasty shock! #Theprompt
I’ll leave that one with the reader to decide I think! Thanks for stopping by Zx
Great piece of writing – really felt for this poor girl. Really powerful, left me wanting to read more x
Thanks Louise, your so kind Zx
This is fab Zena! Well written and engaging. I want to read more! Thanks for linking up to the #binkylinky
Thanks Emily
You really are a natural at this writin. Lark aren’t you, no doubt you will be published soon! #binkylinky
Oh I don’t know about that, but it’s very kind of you to pop over to my post and say such kind things! Thanks Claire
I’m loving all the fiction this week’s #theprompt has inspired! You’ve really piqued my interest with your piece – the beginnings of a very strong character 🙂
Thanks so much! I hope I get to write about her again
Congrats! Love the flow of your story and how I breeze through your words =) #pocolo
I need more!!!!!! Really kept me reading!
I love the use of the weather in this piece, you are so creative x
What a clever piece of writing x
Great writing – love this Zena!
A very striking piece. I can only imagine the plight of the girl in your story. #theprompt
This is brilliant, I want to read the next part x
Thank you, really appreciate that Zx
Wonderful writing.You are very talented. Your story left me wanting to know what happened next.
Great writing Zena, I really enjoyed this. I hope you will consider Prose for Thought as well as the What I Am Writing linky at some point. A great piece of fiction which leaves you wanting more. Thank you for linking to PoCoLo 🙂 x
[…] the lovely comments this post got this […]
Wow! If this is your opening gambit it’s a bloody good one! What a powerful short story and I love the twist in the fourth para where you find out it’s a girl and not a woman – as I was expecting. But how very sad, the story is layered, like an onion and you just want to peel off each layer to dig deeper into the emotion, the psychological aspects of the characters. What a great opener…I’d certainly read more (although I may cry!) #theprompt
Great piece of writing. I love how you’ve used the storm to distract her. I was totally swept away with the story and want to know what happens next! 🙂
I feel scared for her! An evokative and very powerful piece. I can picture her being lost in the storm and caught up with the storm.
The heartbreak here is hard to miss too. x
I want more! You’ve got to write some more of this story.
[…] hope you enjoyed last weeks piece. I really enjoyed writing it. So much so I’m going to have another attempt. […]
You write really well, I really enjoyed reading it.