This is my first attempt at joining in with Sara’s #ThePrompt.  This week I was feeling brave and here’s my take on ‘Thunder’.  I’d love to know what you think?

She looked out of the window, the noise of the heavy rain filling the emptiness in her room. It was dark outside, but it was full of energy as the tension of the storm grew.  It stopped her thinking about the loneliness, for a little while.  She could see a few lights on in the other houses and she wondered what life was like there.  Was it happy?  Was it predictable?  ‘It had to be better than here’, she thought.

She opened the window and the cold damp air came flooding in.  She held her hand out as if she had never felt rain before.  The cold allowed her to feel.  Feel human. Feel  in control, for a few moments at least.

She took one of the cigarette’s from her hiding place, along with the well used box of matches that were more than battered now.  She hung her head out of the window, but getting a flame proved a challenge.  She wasn’t sure this was going to be worth it, but she was determined.

She got her fag lit.  It’s not that she enjoyed it, but she was ‘hard’ you see.  This is what ‘hard’ kids did.  Kids with armour.  Kids burying the emotions they couldn’t make head nor tale of.  It made her cool, fit in, but the crowd was all wrong these days.

Thunder

She coughed as she blew away the smoke from the John Player Special.  Apparently these made your lungs bleed, but she didn’t care.  Why should she care, no one else did.  They were downstairs, watching some rubbish on the TV, she was alone. He’d turned the power off upstairs.  It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last, by a long shot.  He had to have control, you see, over everything.

He’d found her watching the same program as they were downstairs, and that wasn’t allowed.  She wasn’t allowed to turn the TV on while they were out.  He’d feel the TV to check if it was warm, to check up on her.  Heaven forbid, she changed the channel while he was out of the room, even if it was for an hour.  She desperately kept hold of the thought that this wasn’t right, this wasn’t how life should be.  Looking out the window helped, reminding herself things were different out there.

She was so lost in her thoughts and listening to the rain, she’d not heard him come up the stairs.  She’d forgotten to concentrate, keeping her wits about her was a tiring task and didn’t come naturally to her.  She’d changed, she’d had to but she was still a square peg.  There was no point in being the good girl any more.  It made no difference to what was coming.

The rain started to fall much heavier, like someone had turned the volume up. She didn’t stand a chance.  The thunder rumbled.  It was loud.  It was close.  She was distracted.  She didn’t make to the end of her fag before it went BANG! The lightening clapped and the door flew open….

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Zena Goldman

Zena Goldman is a UK based travel, family & lifestyle blogger who left her 9-5 job behind in the not-for-profit sector to follow her creative dreams and enjoy a more flexible family life. She began writing Zena’s Suitcase in 2011 and shares the holidays and adventures she goes on with (and without) her 2 young daughters. She wishes her son would join them more often but he’s carving out his own dreams now and enjoying university life. Since beginning Zena’s Suitcase she has worked with a number of brands and also has a regular monthly feature in the ASDA Good Living Magazine feature, ‘Ask The Expert’ where she shares helpful parenting tips. In 2018 she was also a finalist in the prestigious BIBs Awards for Social Media.

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38 Discussion to this post

  1. Mummytries says:

    Oh my lovely, I feel so sad for the girl in that story. Great piece of writing though! Huge hugs xxx #ThePrompt

  2. Great writing zena, I wish I was more creative with words 🙂 I remember being stuck out 6 miles from home on a run in thunder and how scared I was..then I went under a tree for cover, eek I realized after this was the worse place, the got covered in wasps eek,,, nightmare… thanks for linking up to the weekend bloghop
    Clairejustine recently posted…Welcome To The Weekend Blog Hop : Link Up Your Favourite Posts…My Profile

  3. Jenni - Baby Chaos says:

    Oh wow, that is amazing, so powerful, I really got sucked in to the story.

  4. Mel says:

    Great writing, Zena! I felt completely immersed in your story. x #BinkyLinky

  5. Izzie Anderton says:

    A fabulous piece of writing Zena. Any plans for more? Hope so…

  6. Kelly Palmer says:

    What a great post, you’ve certainly got a way with words.
    Kelly Palmer recently posted…Top 10 Vegan Nail Polish Picks For AutumnMy Profile

  7. Love this, a fantastic piece of writing, compelling. I really felt for the girl and I want to know where she goes next; does she ever escape this life. Thanks so much for linking to #ThePrompt, lovely to have you join in xx
    Sara (@mumturnedmom) recently posted…The Prompt 36My Profile

  8. Great use of weather within the story to echo its flow. I really felt for the girl and hope the bang of the thunder and the door doesn’t lead to another nasty shock! #Theprompt
    [email protected] recently posted…thunderMy Profile

  9. Louise says:

    Great piece of writing – really felt for this poor girl. Really powerful, left me wanting to read more x

  10. Emily says:

    This is fab Zena! Well written and engaging. I want to read more! Thanks for linking up to the #binkylinky

  11. Claire Jacobs says:

    You really are a natural at this writin. Lark aren’t you, no doubt you will be published soon! #binkylinky

  12. I’m loving all the fiction this week’s #theprompt has inspired! You’ve really piqued my interest with your piece – the beginnings of a very strong character 🙂
    Sophie Lovett recently posted…A boy, a ball and a hula hoopMy Profile

  13. Merlinda Little (@pixiedusk) says:

    Congrats! Love the flow of your story and how I breeze through your words =) #pocolo

  14. Michelle says:

    I need more!!!!!! Really kept me reading!
    Michelle recently posted…Day 5 – Jambo Jambo [Dine Around Disney 2014] (Part 1)My Profile

  15. Rachel says:

    I love the use of the weather in this piece, you are so creative x

  16. ninjacat says:

    What a clever piece of writing x

  17. Great writing – love this Zena!
    Kate Thompson recently posted…5 Popular Myths About Special NeedsMy Profile

  18. A very striking piece. I can only imagine the plight of the girl in your story. #theprompt
    VaiChin @RamblingThroughParenthood recently posted…ThunderMy Profile

  19. This is brilliant, I want to read the next part x
    You Baby Me Mummy recently posted…HOSTING: The Week That Was; Captured (#65)My Profile

  20. Louisa says:

    Wonderful writing.You are very talented. Your story left me wanting to know what happened next.

  21. Great writing Zena, I really enjoyed this. I hope you will consider Prose for Thought as well as the What I Am Writing linky at some point. A great piece of fiction which leaves you wanting more. Thank you for linking to PoCoLo 🙂 x
    Verily Victoria Vocalises recently posted…Postsnap – the Modern Service for an Old-Fashioned Experience.My Profile

  22. […] the lovely comments this post got this […]

  23. tracey @ mummyshire says:

    Wow! If this is your opening gambit it’s a bloody good one! What a powerful short story and I love the twist in the fourth para where you find out it’s a girl and not a woman – as I was expecting. But how very sad, the story is layered, like an onion and you just want to peel off each layer to dig deeper into the emotion, the psychological aspects of the characters. What a great opener…I’d certainly read more (although I may cry!) #theprompt

  24. Great piece of writing. I love how you’ve used the storm to distract her. I was totally swept away with the story and want to know what happens next! 🙂
    Morgan Prince recently posted…The Storm Rages OnMy Profile

  25. Chrissie says:

    I feel scared for her! An evokative and very powerful piece. I can picture her being lost in the storm and caught up with the storm.
    The heartbreak here is hard to miss too. x

  26. I want more! You’ve got to write some more of this story.
    nessjibberjabberuk recently posted…Love Cake September 2014 round upMy Profile

  27. […] hope you enjoyed last weeks piece.  I really enjoyed writing it.  So much so I’m going to have another attempt. […]

  28. You write really well, I really enjoyed reading it.
    Nayna Kanabar (@citrusspiceuk) recently posted…Food Bloggers Meet at Le Restaurant de PAUL, LondonMy Profile

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