Having children can really change things in a relationship.

You can both find yourself asking how do we get that spark back into our marriage, how do we make things exciting again?

You can think that things aren’t going to change once you have kids, but for a lot of people they do and it can affect all aspects of married life, including what happens in the bedroom.

Some couples take a step back from each other when they have kids as there is a lot they are consumed with during this time, in some cases, couples can come to the realisation that they are not working together which gets them looking at something similar to a Pennsylvania divorce lawyer or one in their area, so they have options.

But this is just in extreme cases and there are ways that they can reconnect again.

As a Mother, I think I can safely say things really changed for me.

My body went through a lot giving birth and it needed some time to recover.

After having all my children, I went on to breastfeed.

I didn’t feel like my body was my own for a long time, and breastfeeding just isn’t sexy is it? All of a sudden my body’s main priority was feeding a baby, which doesn’t feel particularly glamorous and is pretty tiring too.

man and woman sitting together in front of table

Throw into the mix the daily routine of changing nappies, washing a ridiculous amount of miniature clothes and keeping everyone else fed and watered, all of a sudden my own needs, and my partners have slipped way down the pecking order.

So how do you rekindle that passion you once had for each other in a life before children?

It probably isn’t going to look the same as when you first started going out with each other, but you can get some excitement back into your marriage, despite having children.

Here are 5 ways to take back control of your love life.

If you want more tips, check out the Dad Starting Over blog for loads of helpful advice.

Tips To Get That Spark Back In A Relationship

Take Some Control

This is a tip for you men out there who are looking for ways to feel like a couple again.

Don’t just moan about drifting apart, it’s time to take some action.

Show your wife or partner you appreciate her and everything she does for the family.

Make her feel special, and I guarantee you will be on to a winner.

Sort out a babysitter or send the kids to the grandparents for the evening.

Ring your wife and tell her to be ready for 7pm, and that you are taking her to her favourite restaurant.

Make sure there is nothing that can mess with your plan.

Don’t let your wife be the one making arrangements for the kids.

Nail those childcare arrangements down, who’s going to be where, if overnight bags need to be packed and when they kids are being collected.

Think of all the questions she could possibly throw at you, and have an answer.

She will appreciate the effort you’ve made, and you will enjoy a nice relaxed evening together, just the two of you.

Do Something Exciting

couple riding parachute together

If you really want to liven things up, how about trying something a little different?

If you really want to take your partner by surprise and get some excitement back into your relationship do something that will get the adrenalin flowing.

You could try skydiving, go karting or rock climbing maybe? Or event consider testing your creativity with a paint and sip date night with Pinot & Picasso.

I’m sure there is something you could do that would give you a bit of a thrill, even if jumping out of planes isn’t your idea of fun.

The thrill and stimulation to the nervous system may just lead to some thrill and excitement in other areas of your life.

Spend Some Time Reminiscing

Getting out for dates can be harder when you have children and not everyone has family or friends close by to baby sit the kids.

You might need to get a little inventive to get back to the couple you once were.

One way, is to spend some time thinking about a time when it was just the two of you and things were more exciting and spontaneous.

Spend an evening going through photos of holidays you had without the kids, perhaps watch your wedding video, and enjoy your evening together by remembering how you both felt before the chores took over your life.

These memories will soon help you to reignite that spark you think you have lost.

Date Night

I know there is nothing original about having a date night but how many of us actually do it?

Does it slip down the list of things to do when the kids are sick or you’ve had a busy week?

It really is worth making an effort for and I can assure you it will improve your marriage or relationship no end.

Instead of sitting down in front of the same old TV shows or using the computer, do something different.

If you plan ahead, perhaps you can buy tickets for the best new movies coming out, and plan a movie night that would be followed by an intimate candlelit dinner.

Or, you can cook a special meal for when the kids have gone to bed and watch your favorite movie and get imaginative about how you can spend the rest of the evening.

Spend time talking to one another, but make it your challenge not to mention the kids.

Put Your Partners Needs First

When we have children all of a sudden they become the focus of yours and your partners attention.

Their needs come first all the time, and everyone else’s goes on the back burner.

Just for a night or a weekend, make sure you put your wife or husbands needs first.

The children won’t come to any harm or face any long term emotional scars, in fact they want you to be happy and content in your relationship as much as you do.

Remember to make each other feel special and needed every now and again.

One day the kids will have left and you don’t want to forget how to look after your partner’s needs when it’s just the two of you again.

This is a collaborative post

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  1. such a great change. I think these tips are great, even if you’re child free like me. It’s important to make time for each other in a relationships. My boyfriend and I could definitely do with more date nights.

  2. Love that skydiving is one of the first things you suggest! It’s so very out there, but definitely spark something 😛

  3. I always feel when relationships fail that it’s the woman who puts all the effort into trying to put the spark back.It’s sad that men need to be reminded that they too need to show how he feels.I definitely think trying something new together is a good one to try or getting away from home.

  4. I love the idea of looking through old photos together, even if you don’t have kids it’s nice to reminisce on a different stage of your relationship. And to take it even further you could cook a meal themed from that destination : )

  5. Some great tips! It seems like such a cliche but it’s so true that you just forget to make time for your partner. You’re right, it’s the little things that make a big difference and you don’t even had to lave the house (although getting out is pretty great!)

  6. Absolutely brilliant tips. I’ve thinking of leaving this open on my husband’s laptop. I would love him to surprise me with an evening out and he has arranged all the childcare. That would be amazing but I know he wouldn’t think of it. Maybe this will help.

  7. Superb ideas. It’s so important to maintain that connection which is so easy to lose in our hectic “day to day” schedules. Thanks for sharing.

  8. Great ideas here. I never realised my relationship would change and then our little boy came along and it really had an affect on it. We are always so tired, or run down, or just generally wrapped up in our own daily routines that I think we sometimes forget we aren’t just raining children we are a partnership, man and wife. Some great tips here thanks for sharing.

  9. This is such a fab post and one which is so important. The mister and I lead really bsy work lives, so to ensure we have time for ourselves, we have date nights and film nights in x

  10. I think it is so important to make time for each other after a baby comes along. All you can think about is the baby and sleeping!!! Me and hubby have date nights and it really helps to take the mummy and daddy hats off and just be us for the night

  11. Great tips! I could have done with reading this post about a year ago before I split with my ex haha!! It can be tough on a relationship when you have a child and with another thrown it theres even more pressure! xx

  12. Those tips are great, def going to show the hubby the first one suggesting him to sort out all the arrangements including childcare! It is hard to give time to your other half especially breastfeeding, my baby is currently going through cluster feeding, my toddler needs his mummy cuddles so by the evening I feel touched out and need personal space!

  13. It’s great to see someone writing about spending time together as a couple rather than with the children all the time. I mean, I love my kids, but it’s nice to have a bit of adult time, chatting and just being together x

  14. What a great post. I feel so unappreciated at times and feel full time mums sometimes are not appreciated and would really like to be shown the other half care and take the time to notice. Will be trying a couple of these ideas out.

  15. Such good advice. I don’t yet have children myself but I think a lot of this is just as relevant when you both have busy jobs, lots of hobbies etc and feel yourselves drifting apart too.

    Laura x

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